"Why me?"
"Why is this happening?"
"What if this doesn't work out?"
"How am I going to do this?
WHY?
WHY?
WHY?
We've all been there, ruminating about the whys and what if's and the hows. It's a natural part of being human to ask questions about life, because who doesn't want to know?! But many times we don't get the answers we are looking for when we want them.
And of course, that seems to lead us to "Why not?"
I'm sure I'm not the only one that has journaled till their pen ran empty, spent nights crying themself to sleep asking deep questions, digging through memories, grasping at the future turning themself inside out, only to be left in utter silence. Many years of my life were lived in a state of frustration and desperation, feeling a sense of alienation from Source and the answers that I really thought I needed to have. RIGHT. NOW.
I've done enough digging for answers to unearth millions of graves...funny thing, is carcasses don't speak. Neither does the dirt or the worms or the ingrown roots. Or, maybe they did speak, but I was oblivious.
I believe that some of the reasons we are here on this lovely planet are to learn, evolve, and have experiences. All of the experiences. The wonderful ones and beautiful ones, the exciting and interesting ones...even the difficult ones. More specifically, to have experiences that will cause us to open up and expand out of the small place we have been in and to realize who we truly are.
Sometimes those experiences cause our exterior to break and we feel like "WE" are breaking. Even though our true Self is not breaking, it can feel like it. And that suffering can cause our minds to erupt with questions. Because none of it makes sense while we're in the throes of it.
Our exterior NEEDS to break in order for us to realize our Self. But all the stuff we do to stop having uncomfortable experiences is like taping and gluing all the pieces back together, stuffing ourselves back into a restricted place where we with never get the answers we are looking for.
Letting Go of Seeking
I have found that everything I have been seeking, all the answers I've been trying to find are only satisfied on the other side of my experiences.
BUT...
The answers don't come while I am still asking and seeking. They come after I stop playing the victim. When I release expectations. When I let go of blame. When I chose to forgive. When I stop striving. When I see through the illusion of separation. Each time, I've had to climb the mountain in order to gain a higher perspective, and those journeys up were FAR from easy, but it was worth it.
Having a victim mentality, expecting people and things to be a certain way, finger-pointing, unforgiveness, and striving keeps us walking around and around the lower portion of the mountain where we can't see much. We walk the same rut we've been trudging day after day, month after month, year after year. It wears a track deeper and deeper into the ground until we feel stuck.
The repetitive questions "why", "how" or "when" keep us locked in a rut because they blind us from seeing anything else but our lower perspective. The questions literally ARE the rut. Round and round and round the mountain we go, completely unaware of anything trying to communicate with us because all we can think about is the answers we crave.
We want someone to give us the answers we are looking for without actually doing the work of getting them ourselves. But being given the answer doesn't mean we have an understanding of it.
We can "know" something intellectually without actually KNOWING it.
We can say that there is a silver lining to everything. We can say that good can always come from bad. We can say make lemonade out of lemons. But if we aren't actually doing it, it doesn't mean a thing to us, and the expansion out of our limited, separated box won't happen.
The answers we seek could be given to us by someone while we are in the midst of our experience and it will NEVER satisfy...because all it is, is a surface comprehension of it without any real depth of wisdom and love that comes through higher perspective and integration of the entire experience.
What is the Work?
The whole point of an experience is to EXPERIENCE it.
I know, so weird, right???
In order to do the actual work that leads us up the mountain to a higher perspective, we need to first accept that this is what it is right now. If there is nothing we can do or are willing to do to change things, then acceptance is key.
The second thing we can do is allow ourselves to be fully in the present moment of the experience. Be aware and conscious of ourselves and our experiences as we live it. This means to be "awake" in the moment. We aren't going to be able to see a new path if we're looking down at our feet as we make circles around the mountain asking the same question over and over, completely unaware of our surroundings.
When our minds are constantly focused on seeking answers, we become oblivious to the things that are happening around us. Sights, sounds, smells, senses, feelings, tastes...so many of them are missed while we are preoccupied.
Releasing the questions and immersing ourselves in the experience with senses WIDE OPEN as we climb the mountain into a new perspective is the only way for the Light of Love and Wisdom to illuminate the path.
No one can give you steps 3 and beyond. This is YOUR journey to make with your True Self and your guides.
Eventually, as you just start living this human experience it becomes something more than a journey. It becomes a GRAND ADVENTURE.
Then, one day it'll strike you, that you KNOW what you didn't think you knew. You'll realize that the answers were within you the entire time.
May you realize exactly who you are on this Grand Adventure.
I LOVE YOU.