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We push and strive
Only to arrive
At a future place
After the chase
Enjoyment is gone
It feels like a con
We thought we would win
And wear a big grin
But the journey is over
No four-leaf clover
Now we are tired
Where we are, undesired
There’s always something in the future.
Always something to reach for and look forward to...or maybe not. But there is probably at least hope that things will get better, we’ll have more money, more time, and all the things we want.
It’s always somewhere in the future.
Maybe tomorrow or next week, a year from now, or when we’re older.
But we rush towards it like its a race. Sometimes we get running and we can’t seem to stop. We’re going, going, going, hurrying to get the house clean, the dinner done, the lawn mowed...
Or maybe we’re pushing new business ideas, hurrying to collect followers or likes, or rake in the cash by pumping out products. Perhaps we’re saving to buy a house or a new car or a vacation.
We will enjoy our life and rest then.
But not today. Not right now. Stopping to smell the roses and watch the birds can wait until the future when things are right. When it’s not so busy. When there’s more money. When the business is launched. When the children are grown.
When we just get this last little thing crossed off the to-do list...
But the future never comes.
It slips through our fingers like fine sand and blows away in the wind. Because there is no such thing as the future. All we ever have is right now.
What happens when we get to the end and realize that all we did was rush around trying to accomplish things and get ahead and put check marks on our to-do list? It won’t be life that we’ve lived.
It will be a flitting dream where we ran and ran but forgot about the scenery and pit stops.
Plans and thinking ahead are great. They help up move towards the things we want to do or have, the way we want to be, or things we’d like to change.
But it doesn’t have to be at quantum speed. I don’t want to be 70 - 80 years old, tired from all the pushing to “get somewhere”, to have or do something that I can’t actually enjoy what I got. And what if I spend all that busy time rushing and trying to place what I want in the future and never end up getting it? I will have used up all my time and energy having not truly immersed myself in the life of NOW.
I have no idea what the “future” holds.
Maybe I’ll write another book and publish it...maybe I won’t.
Maybe I’ll make money with my writing...maybe I won’t.
Maybe someday I’ll be debt-free and living without financial care...maybe I won’t.
Maybe we’ll be able to buy a new vehicle or move to a bigger house or build a business...maybe we won’t
Right now, I am living.
I have these seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, and years to immerse myself in actual life. I don’t have to push and strive for what the future holds because it doesn’t hold anything. It hasn’t happened yet. It doesn’t have fingers or hands or boxes to contain what I want.
This is me, right now.
I don’t have everything I want. There’s always more to do. I could push and grind, become a boss bitch. A hundred things around the house scream for my attention.
But I’m letting go.
I’m doing what I can and that’s good enough.
My life is now. It’s in the moments when I stare into the sky, watch a beetle on a leaf, create art, or write without the goal of “business” behind it.
My life is in the stillness as I sit close to my son and nuzzle his nose with mine. My life is in the sweet kiss of my husband’s lips as we cross paths in the kitchen. My life is in the smells of dinner cooking, the sound of it sizzling or bubbling or crackling. My life is in the touch sensations, folding laundry, the textures gliding across my fingertips, the scent of detergent in the air.
My life is in the pressing of keys to enter numbers for invoices and it’s in the click of the mouse when I save the document. It’s in the errands I run, the driving I do, the products I browse through online.
The now moments of my life can be found in the satisfaction of cleaning house, organizing, and making it all look nice. It can be found watching the straight lines appear in the grass when I mow.
Now moments are breathing through the pain, feeling the deep, raw emotions of life as it doesn’t happen how I like. It’s knowing there are things to do, but being okay with them not getting done right now.
Life is right now, always now. In all the moments I like, all the ones I don’t like, all the ones I wish would last and the ones I wish would end.
My future isn’t going to be “better” than my now. Because life just is. It always just is.
I am living, right now, through the detours, pitstops, and backtracking. I am living in the laughter, the excitement, the wonder, and the hopefulness. I’m living in the tears, the suffering, the fear, and the uncertainty. Right now, in this very moment...in every moment, I am living. Whether I get “there” or “that” or doesn’t matter.
What matters is that I am simply living, in every single moment.