I’m 40 today.
And I’m sick.
All I do is cough and listen to my husband cough (he’s sick too) and try to sleep but can’t, and watch videos on YouTube…movies with the kid too. Aside from the daily regular stuff, like laundry and meals and keeping the house in some semblance of organization - I haven’t done Jack Squat.
Was there some guy named Jack who squatted to take a shit and that’s all he did for the day? I’m gonna have to go look this up when I’m done blogging.
Like I said, I’m 40 now.
And I like it.
Not that there is a certain way to “do 40” but, I hear so many women groaning about it. Fussing that they are “getting old”. This number means a lot of things to a lot of people, but seems especially un-liked by women. Seems like every decade brings a new groan.
It’s not that I don’t show signs of aging, so I can sit back and relax while everyone else complains, it’s not that I don’t get frustrated with change sometimes… I have crow’s feet, loss of skin elasticity, saggy tits - mostly from my gargantuan milk makers that grew larger than my babies head when I was nursing - white hairs and weight gain, to name a few.
I guess I’m just looking at this process differently.
What 40 means to me.
40 means I’ve had 4 decades of learning behind me.
It means wisdom. It means I can say, “Respect your elders!” to so many people now! Just kidding. I don’t think I have ever said that, and I probably won’t either.
40 means a new stage of life. The Maiden is past, the Mother is on her way out and I am welcoming the Crone. I am in the midst of perimenopause, so there are a LOT of changes happening in my body and in my mind.
40 means accepting all these changes. Embracing them. Because I can’t fix most of them so why fight them? Fighting takes energy and creates stress. I don’t want either of those.
40 means being fully me. Through all my experiences I’ve come know more of what I dislike, which in turn lets me know what I do like. I’ve become more confident in who I am as a person. I like myself more than I ever have before.
With every passing decade, I want to look back and be able to clearly understand the things I’ve learned and ways I’ve grown and use those to my advantage.
What a waste to tick off each day as one day closer to death of the physical body. We have been dying since the moment we were conceived…if you look at human experience as a linear thing. My body is changing, but my mind is expanding and more alive than ever. That’s the part of me that will live on.
Just because my body is more worn than it was when I was 20, doesn’t mean I’m less of person. There is so much more life to live! Each day is a chance to learn some more and become a better version of the person I want to be.
Here’s to another decade of experience!