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SEX vs. Violence

Image design by April Ann Roy


I grew up in a religious environment with a lot of ideas about what was moral and godly and what wasn’t. Something I considered immoral, was nudity and pre-marital sex.

So, we weren’t allowed to watch movies or shows that depicted things like that. And if it popped up in an otherwise “clean” film, we had to fast forward through it. Even into my 20’s I still held on to this idea.

Yet, at the same time, we were allowed and even watched as a family, violent films like Brave Heart and The Gladiator. Nudity and sex: OUT. Violence, vengeance, and blood: IN.

I never even asked why.

It was just normal.

Bloodshed in war was just part of the “grand scheme”, holy even if certain parts of the world came against “god’s people”. I didn’t bat an eye when a murder was met with killing the murderer or when evil people “got theirs”.

But heaven forbid a bare breast or steamy sex between lovers.

Actually, I don’t even think it was just me or my religious upbringing that was unique. Any kind of film with sex is quickly rated R or X while some of the most horrifically bloody movies are rated PG-13. I think it’s a cultural thing.

Why though?

Why is sex taboo and violence given a pass?

Why is it that when we talk about war, death, and murder the conversation is unfiltered and rambles on while when sex comes up, everyone gets uncomfortable and finds a way to change the subject?

Why is sex unmentionable?




Funny how everyone shies away from sex talk while ratings for movies and books like “50 Shades of Grey” are through the roof. It's like we’re all pretending we don’t like sex and nudity, but the statistics don’t lie.

Why is such an ugly, sad and terrible thing like brutal vengeance prized and bragged about while a beautiful, enjoyable thing like sex tucked away in the crevice of our thoughts?

Why are nude bodies against social media policy?

Why do people in other cultures, in less developed nations walk around with their breasts and ass cracks exposed and no one gives one single fuck?

Why in those same cultures where families share one common living space, do partners engage in sexual activity without feeling the need to go hide in the dark with the door closed and the blankets pulled up to their necks?

Why do we feel so ashamed and embarrassed when our children walk in on us and we tell them to get out and suddenly it has ruined the mood?

Why do we call sex “doing the nasty” ...why is it nasty?

People like to fuck.

People like to watch other people fucking.

People like to read about it and think about it and do it and even go so far as to cheat on a partner to get it if they aren’t getting it.

Heck, even animals like to get it on!

As much as it's perfectly acceptable to watch people murdering and killing others in war films and hideous horror flicks, even on the news, the vast majority of us don’t actually act on our anger and carry out such awful things.

But then there’s SEX.

That feel-good thing that we can’t talk about, get red in the face about and gasp about when someone shows more skin than we think is appropriate.

When did violence become more socially acceptable than skin and sex?

Why, when I tell people that I write erotica, do they get tense and giggle awkwardly and then change the subject?

Did you just get tense reading that?

I don’t think I even have an answer to any of these questions. But its something to think about. And maybe, if we stopped making nudity and sex such a taboo thing, there might be fewer social problems having to do with it.

I know people will be all over this like, “But if we just allow nudity and sex, there will be more rape and sex crimes and frenzied sexual tension!”

Really? Kind of like how we are free to watch people kill on tv and now we’re all killers?

Come on.

You know that feeling we get when we are told NOT to do something and then suddenly, we want to do that thing more than ever?

Maybe it's like that with sex.

Maybe all these rules we have about sex make us want to do things that society deems “unacceptable”.

The thing is, people are going to be sexual whether there are cultural expectations or not. They’re going to cheat and rape and assault others whether there are laws or not. Because they already do.

Of course, there should be consequences for those who take away another person’s free will. I’m not talking about that.

I’m talking about making sex and our natural bodies NORMAL. Because they are. If you don’t like nudity or sex, don’t look at it. Don’t watch sexy movies or porn or read erotica. If you feel uncomfortable and want sex to be a private thing for you personally, do that. It really is that simple.

Children in other cultures are not warped because they saw their mother and grandmother’s tits. They aren’t derailed because their father and grandfather let their schlongs and balls bounce around between their legs freely in the desert. They don’t grow up to be rapists or sexual predators because the saw their parents having sex.

Have you ever wondered if it’s possible that our demonizing of sex and sexuality has actually caused a preoccupation with sex and nude bodies? Remember that wanting what you can’t have thing?

Always being told that something is nasty, evil, immoral, unholy, wrong, it possible that is actually causing obsession? I wonder if it's possible that all this negative talk about our bodies and about a natural, enjoyable act is truly causing our children as they grow up to hate their bodies and view sexuality as a gross thing. I wonder if it's possible that it’s causing them to be ashamed of sexual feelings and desires that are PERFECTLY NORMAL.

Murder and violence are not normal. We may have gotten used to it and numbed ourselves to it, but that doesn’t make it normal.

Bodies are beautiful in all their various colors and shapes. We like the way they look, the interesting differences that make us all unique. We like the way they feel. We like our bodies and our skin to be against other bodies and skin.

And sex is enjoyable and should be expressed like any other bodily need, as long as it is consensual between people who are able to reason and understand the risks associated.

Naked bodies and sex are natural.

And normal.



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