It's not that we chose a terrible experience or trauma on purpose...like we were standing on the other side before we were born and went, "Yeah, I'm going to have my parents die when I'm young, I want that experience!" or "I think I will make myself have a terrible accident and lose my ability to walk, that will produce growth!"
None of that kind of choice.
When we decided to slip into these human suits and go on this journey, we saw the infinite potential of choices that we could make from the moment we came into the Earth. We saw every little choice that we could make, laid out like a spider web, sprawling out in every direction, every angle, and the center of the web is the moment of birth...we knew what would happen if we did this or that. We perceived every path as if it had already happened.
We saw everything unfolded, knowing all the possible outcomes of all the possible choices we would be able to make after we were born, all at one time, and we were good with whatever choices led us to whatever experiences.
We saw the potential.
We saw that it was possible we might lose a loved one, or that we might have a terrible accident, or that we would end up homeless at some point...Not as a path set in stone that we couldn't stray from, but as one of the infinite possibilities depending on choices we made...depending on choices other people made too.
We didn't carve out some journey in granite in a predestined way so that no matter what we did once we arrived, it would just happen and we wouldn't have to think about it. We aren't trains stuck on a track with no chance of derailing.
Cancer wasn't "meant" to happen to us.
Getting fired wasn't "meant" to happen.
Being hospitalized because of mental illness wasn't "meant" to happen.
These are possibilities.
We knew these possibilities, and still, we chose to come.
In our free will, we make choices every single moment of every day. Sometimes we make choices in an unconscious state, out of habit, or out of fear. Those choices can lead to some pretty harsh experiences. But we still chose it. Maybe not because we wanted to, but because we didn't know any better at the time. Because we were living in an unaware state of being. Because we were too afraid to make another choice. Because change is scary. Because we were codependent. Or because of a vast array of other reasons.
And because everyone has free will, sometimes their choices affect our choices and it changes the direction of our lives. Even then, we still have choices. And we saw all of it before we were born, knowing that it would all be worth it.
Otherwise, we wouldn't have come.
When we are stuck in a shitty pattern, it's hard to see that our eternal self was okay with what we are going through. But from that vantage point, we can see things that we can't see now.
You didn't set out to choose what you are going through right now. You just made choices that led you to where you are...you knew that was a possibility before you got here. And other people may have affected the choices you made on your journey. There is no way around that. We are in this human experience together, all of us using free will...sometimes individual free will bump into another and a course correction will need to be made.
If you don't like where you are at, let go of blaming yourself or others and begin to make choices in the direction you DO want to go. They may only be small choices at first, but these choices DO exist.
We don't have control over everything in life, but we DO have control over how we show up in any given moment. And we do have control over our choices...even if they are limited.
Did you really choose this?
Yes. You did. You chose every single possibility.
Because you knew the ride would be worth it.