I mean, I’m not scared as in, the creepy guy in a dark alley…
Scared like, I don’t want to find myself back in the same spot I was in before. The reason I quit in the first place. To chill out and be myself. To be free of the incessant, mind-numbing overwhelm that is social media.
It’s been over 3 months.
And so awesome.
On February 19th, 2021 I got rid of my Snapchat app, and deactivated both my Facebook and Instagram accounts, and started off on my journey. I’m sure I’ll write a post about it when I actually reactivate…
From the start, my intention was to get back on social media once I felt “ready” or when it felt “right”. Now, I just feel blech just thinking about it. Like a big, fat groan and heavy sigh all wrapped up together.
The only reason I’m even thinking about it is because some things have become a bit more time-consuming without Facebook, specifically. There are a handful of groups that I am a part of that would have been helpful in getting some questions answered. Yeah, there’s Google, but sometimes you need the clarity that only comes with having an actual conversation with someone and being able to ask specific questions.
And, I’ve been wanting to sell or give away some items that I don’t feel like giving to the local thrift store. An easy way to get rid of stuff for me has been to set it out on my lawn and post “FREE STUFF” on a few local pages. No leaving the house or loading shit into the vehicle to haul it away. And free stuff is gone in like minutes. Simple.
I could have someone else make the post for me…but then I can’t manage the post in any way.
Then, the biggest thing, promoting my website. Of course, there is still traffic that Google drives my way when people search specific phrases…but not like there was when I was making public posts of new content on at least two social platforms.
So, here I am.
There’s a background grimace on my internal face…not wanting to log in again. Cause that’s what starts it. The logging in. Then the feed drags you in and won’t let go until you nearly lose your mind and find yourself shredded with anger, jealousy, and things you wish you could unsee. Not to mention hours lost to the beast.
Maybe it's not that bad.
Sometimes it feels that way.
Like a swirling vortex of ...
Buy This!
Look At Me!
Isn't This Interesting, Funny, and Entertaining?!
You Should Probably Be Concerned About This!!!
Look at all this terrible shit going on…Not on your street of course…BUT SOMEWHERE…
Somewhere, someone is suffering and you need to know about it even if you can't do a damn thing about it. You need to feel guilty about not being able to do anything about it. You need to make sure that other people who can't do anything about it feel sad and guilty and mad and depressed about it too. Get as many people as you can to re-post this horrible thing so we can all feel miserable and sick to our stomachs about it.
Blech.
Puke.
Vomit and diarrhea.
I don’t want to view things that make me feel like shit anymore. Not to stick my head in the sand and pretend it doesn’t exist. But to save myself from inner torment and filthy torture when I can do literally nothing about most of the things that I see or hear or read.
I wonder to myself…if once I log back in, will I have the willpower to just share my new content, or whatever else I post (hopefully not contributing to the overflowing trash can full of magots and stinky green slime) and have that be that?
Will I be able to pull myself back from the feed that stuffs us full of nonsense, half-truths, flat-out lies, and consumerist driven tactics to get us to buy junk we don’t need? I never have purchased anything because of a Facebook or Instagram ad…I’m sure I’m not as addicted to social media as many are…after all, it’s been 3 months and I really haven’t missed it…so it couldn’t have been that big of a deal to me.
But still.
I don’t want to fall back into the trap of un-thinking. Just absorbing. Mindless scrolling because…why not…swiping and liking and angry facing and letting the world that is not even my own reality affect my mental health.
Besides that, we have a TON of projects to do around the house this summer and our business and work are busier than ever...so all that time scrolling could be used for more productive things.
To be honest, I have no idea what it will feel like when it's “right” to log back in. And if it weren’t for wanting to promote my website, my writing, my creativity…I might never return.
So, I don't know what to do yet. I don't feel ready. Will I ever feel ready?
Blech.
Meh.
More and more meh.